Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Day Everyone Became Boring On Social Media

These are the world's most unusual statements, so unusual that most people trot them out only once a year on social media:

- I love my mother
- My mother made me who I am
- Thank you, Mom, for everything
- You taught me this and that, also about them, and those, and everything, and you held my hand and got me walking and wiped my snot and cleaned by bottom and fed me (maybe not with the same hand) and so I love you and thank you and miss you Mom

... and variations on the same, ad nauseam

Everyone is committing that most cardinal of all possible sins on social media: Being absolutely uninteresting. How annoying it is to have your social media feeds become reduced to a mere template on endless loop! Sometimes it has pictures and yay for alleviating the monotony. I always "Like" those posts.

But a thing like Mother's Day? At one time, it used to be restricted to only a certain demographic, usually of a certain kind of country. Now everyone is doing it because we are all unique sheeple and we have to tell everyone that we are so unique we really do love our mummies.

Fair enough.

Of course, everything on Faecesbook becomes worse because advertisers lay siege to your timeline, never mind how often you uncheck all possible options, but there is fabfurnish and zansaar and jabong all wanting you to buy their stuff for your mummy. Because what mummy needs is a juicer or blender of course . Or an apron. Or table-linen. Obviously she wants something functional because being a mummy means she has to be house-proud and a home-maker, and use your pressies for the good of Everyone Else.

My advice: Don't gift her sharp cutlery. She might end up cutting off your internet cable as punishment for using it to buy her utilitarian shite.

In case I know you, my reader, personally, here's my request: If you ever get to know my spawn -- whenever they appear -- inform them that Mummy hates the concept of keeping a day aside to celebrate relationship roles. And Mummy likes alcohol and books and Nutella and exciting/adventurous experiences. Just in case, you know, they are stumped for gift ideas.

So... Happy Tell-Faecesbook-How-Much-You-Love-Your-Mommy-PS-Pics-Attached Day!

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